Monday, December 24, 2012

It's 7.53pm, 9th December 2012.

I am sitting inside a plane, on a flight to Taiwan.

It is dark outside, I can barely make out the clouds.

Maybe it's because I'm bored, maybe it's because the love songs I have been listening to for the whole flight, or maybe because things like that just come, randomly, out of the blue, like the sudden rains that grace my hometown every other week.

I found myself wondering about love.

It had been so long, so long.

My first love, my very first taste of the bittersweet rainbows of emotion between man and woman, girl and boy, had faded to a blur of memories.

Love had meant so much back then, how did it become so...unneccasary now?

Unneccesary. I learnt to not need it anymore, and love means nothing more than a word now, a word with strings and blurred moments of tears and laughter.

My brother is watching Sexy, Free & Single on the IPad. My sister is watching Sword Art Online on her IPhone.

Holding a tattered The Firm, I found myself wondering, what would it be like, to love and be loved again.

Would he understand, or even enjoy music as much as I do?
Would he sing with me, for me?

What would it be like, to have a strong pair of arms, to embrace me from behind when I wasn't looking? To have a shoulder to lean against, to have a chest to cry into when I'm sad?

What would it be like, to know I have someone to tell, to know I can talk about everything and anything, small details of my day, gossip, my deepest secrets, my darkest fears?

To know I can trust someone so much, that I need never feel afraid? Because he would always be there, maybe not to protect me, but to stay by my side and hold me while I hurted?

To dream of a wedding, me in a beautiful white dress, and the face of the man waiting for me down the aisle, is more than an empty blur, the last piece of a jigsaw, waiting to be completed?

To love fearlessly, to know no matter how much I give, there will always be a person who is just as anxious for my happiness and safety?

To recognize love as a lifelong commitment, that staying together, hand in hand, is more than just an obligation?

To be assured that I need never feel lonely again, to know that although forever can never last forever, it will be more than enough to endure a lifetime?

What does it feel like?

Is there really someone out there, waiting for me to step into his life? Waiting to step into mine?

Hand in hand.

And forever, is more than just a dream.

8.27pm.

Sunday, December 23, 2012

Because I don't wanna settle for less than best.

Because I can't just start when the cameras roll and stop when the lights go off.

Because I can't put aside everything like it doesnt matter.

Because I've grown up since then.

Because we're not us anymore.

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Words flow when tears threaten to.

My words are full of spite, hate...and hurt.

Maybe I'll wake up tomorrow and feel okay, but right now, this hurts.

I guess some things never change.

The clueless forever remains clueless, unable or uncaring to understand.

And I am shot by the second bullet I stupidly yielded.

When the barely mended gets broken again, at least it has not healed enough to truly feel pain.


Oh, and thanks for answering the question I've been asking myself for months.

No, I'm not made for this.

Answer to second question.

No, not worth it.

Sunday, September 9, 2012

她说
我的文字 其实看久很腻
表面上一笑而过
却在心中留下疑惑
真的吗
真的是这样吗
我知道我是一个没有什么优点的人
我一生都不曾做过
惊天动地的事
这个世界上
除了文字
我还能留下什么
我也说不准
就算烦闷 就算无聊
我能留下的
也只有只言片语
没有其他的了

Thursday, September 6, 2012

常常手在手机键盘上飘来飘去,心里满满是感触,却写不出只言片语。

好像才刚刚戴上红领带,就到了脱下来的时候了。

这中间的时间,到底去了哪里?

很茫然,选择看似很多其实很少,我没有足够的信心,去相信我可以在自己的一片天地里创造出什么。

成长,最痛苦的,或许就是学会选择。

走到这里,梦想不再只是梦想,而是努力实现的理想。

选一条最喜欢的路,开心走下去。

做得到的就做,做不到,只能舍弃。

我还没准备好。

真的还没准备好。

Thursday, August 2, 2012

I think I'm a nice person, but it seems the majority is trying to convince me otherwise.

Really, lets just grow up. Playing with teams and gangs dont get us anywhere.

Arent you tired of hating me? Of trying to find more reasons to hate me? Of persuading people who might actually like me to hate me?

What are trying to prove??

How old are you?

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

I seem to be past caring.

Caring uses up too much energy, be it a person, a life, a memory or a thing.

Caring uses up too much energy, and energy is something i dont have.

This restlessness, this sense of foreboding towards the future, i can find no reason, i can find no cure.

It seeps through my skin, runs with my blood, breathes as i breathe.

I feel its feeble heartbeat, challenging mine, and I am too weak to resist.

Depression, without cause.

This life is too normal, too plain, no different with the thousands of lives living around me.

I ask questions even though there are no answers.

I am afraid. If i ever stopped, will i be just one in a billion, faceless, meaningless.

Yet even as I seek for something that cannot be found, I am no different, am i not?

When I finally leave, what can I leave behind other than footprints that have been marked by millions before me and will continue to be followed by millions more after me?

Not everything exist for a reason, no matter who thinks otherwise.

So here comes the unanswerable question.

" Why am I here?"

Monday, April 9, 2012

Thursday, February 23, 2012

我感觉自己很寂寞

好像布满繁星的夜空里

距离最远的那颗星

人潮里

只有我一个人

星空间

只有我一颗星


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Tuesday, February 21, 2012

突然觉得,自己好寂寞。


寂寞得..... 什么都写不下来。


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你曾经是世界上最了解我的那个人,我却因为你变得认不出自己

这样的爱情到底,是笑话

还是童话?


梦还是破碎了

满地都是

像碎玻璃那样

刺人又刺眼


我在这片洒满梦的海洋

开出一条血路

脚底传来的痛

是我走出你的世界的不舍

左边胸口传来的痛

是被抽离的爱留下的空洞


我跌跌撞撞走着

身后的风景却越来越清晰

我不知道终点在哪里

我只能走下去


有一天赫然回头

才发现记忆已经斑驳模糊

低下头

才发现伤口已经结痂


然后再继续走

直到完全看不见当初留下的梦

直到所有伤口都痊愈

直到忘了你


如今你又回到我的生命里

我才明白

原来这就是释怀

原来真正的放开

是不带遗憾的。


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Tuesday, January 31, 2012

when we can treat each other like old friends,
when we can talk casually face to face
when we can face each other without complicated emotions
I'll know its finally over
for you, for me

Are you looking forward to that day?

posted from Bloggeroid

Saturday, January 28, 2012

心中,一片空白。

是寂寞吗?在你之前,我似乎不明白寂寞的感觉。

在你之后,寂寞和我如影随形。

我早已放弃你,但寂寞没有减少。

我还是有渴望的。想要幸福,想要快乐。

想要遇到那个,对的人。

如果说你是错的人,那为什么在你已经没有挡住我的视线的时候,我还是找不到他的身影?

要耐心等待,我知道的。

我不知道的,是我将来等到的会是什么。

漫长等待,我想等到的是什么,我自己

也说不准了。

posted from Bloggeroid

Thursday, January 19, 2012

我已经不想自作多情
去猜测你是不是在想着我

太累了啊,这样。

我是个死心眼的人
很难改变对象

但该放的,我一定放
不记起,不忘记

不然,太累了

我以后一定找个
比你好很多很多倍的人

我一定要这么坚信
不然,我拿什么说服自己

放了你,忘了你

祝福你。

posted from Bloggeroid

单身的人
总是会在遇到
不顺心的事的时候
渴望身边有个人
可以依靠
可以依赖

然而实际上
就算真的有这么一号人物
也不能
把不可能变可能
把奢望变现实

我们想要的
不过是温暖的臂弯
还有温柔的安全感

一个人努力太久
很累
累得让人绝望
尤其是经历过
互相依靠的幸福

虽然说
向往自由的我们
要的远不只是归宿
虽然说
一个人走
比两个人一起走
要简单而快很多

但如果有人
可以可以陪着我
像那个人曾经陪着我那样
我愿意
为他
放慢脚步

因为我想要拥有
手牵手肩并肩一直走下去
的幸福

posted from Bloggeroid

Friday, January 13, 2012

时间
苍白了回忆
苍白了等待
苍白了爱

当所有的五颜六色都苍白
还剩下什么呢
我所留恋的
被风吹散的感情
到头来不过是漫长一生里
短短的插曲

想到
你为别人笑
为别人哭
为别人快乐
为别人悲伤
我不是不难受的

难受得
渴望有那么一个人
可以让我忘记你

真的
很希望可以有那么一个人
我爱,也爱我
不是我追着他也不是他追着我
而是平等地
手牵手
一起走

一直走
一直走……

Thursday, January 5, 2012

2012,开学第一天,高三生活的第一天。

除了课室不小心搬到史无前例,吓死人地高的四楼,和往年没有太大分别。

只是,这个校园少了一个很特别,很特别的人。

眼不见为净,既然已经知道见不到,心中自然不再抱着任何期望。

牵挂,我曾经很牵挂他。曾经放不开放不下,曾经痛苦曾经痛哭。

但现在连遗憾都淡得让我怀疑,是不是我真的曾经爱过。

当初挣扎着不想起,意外发现原本总是忘不掉的在挣扎中,忘了。

这是一个完全没有你的一年。我预见了越走越远的两段人生。

你寻找你的梦想,而我寻找我的。

这一年,我为我的未来努力,为我自己的梦想努力。

我想要变得更好更好,才配得上比你好的人。

我还在寻找,可以和我一起幸福的人。

也祝你,有个快乐的2012。

posted from Bloggeroid

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