今天，是最后一天了。
从此，这个诺大的校园不会再有你的身影，不会再有你的气息。听不到你的笑声，看不到你的笑脸。
老实说我已经不大记得了，你微笑的样子。我总是偷看你，但捕捉到的，纵使你捧腹大笑的样子。
你笑起来一直都很阳光，真的。看起来，你过得不赖。
我看起来，应该也过得不错的。
我和你的人生错开了，我却总是想要看着你，是残留的爱还是残留的习惯，我也不懂。
今天开始，你要走出我的视线了。
这个城市说大不大说小不小，当你有了新的生活圈，我们应该会更难遇见把。
也好吧，虽然我已经习惯看你躲避我的眼神，现在你不用那么勉强了。
很想自私地叫你不要忘了我，但我知道我不会真的要，你也不会真的这样的。
因为其实我自己，也想要忘了你啊。
我真的累了，每每想起爱情，我只看到你，看到你给的甜蜜和痛苦，看到你的一切然后看不到其他。想起爱情，我的心只有失去你的苦涩。
我也想要好好地，像当初爱你那样，为某一个人努力一次。
也想要有个人在身边，为我努力。
但在我只看到你的时候，谁为我努力我都无法打开心扉。
还要多久呢，
多久，才能忘了你。
多久，我才能够看你离开而不会像现在那样不舍得。
不舍得。
我不舍得啊。
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Friday, November 11, 2011
那些年，我们一起追的女孩。
妈妈说，可能不是真的，不过是拿一段平凡的往事加以点缀而成。
不是不可能，但也不是很可能。
这个谎，太大了。有沈佳宜影子的故事，太多太多。
那些文字，很真实。那不只是一个故事。
为什么不相信呢，如果相信比较幸福。
我相信，柯景滕爱过沈佳宜，
很青春，很热血，很幼稚的方式喜欢着。
我相信，会有人爱我
像柯景滕爱沈佳宜那样
不离不弃
我选择相信，
因为比较幸福。
也许平行时空里的你和我，
是在一起的。
真羡慕啊。
妈妈说，可能不是真的，不过是拿一段平凡的往事加以点缀而成。
不是不可能，但也不是很可能。
这个谎，太大了。有沈佳宜影子的故事，太多太多。
那些文字，很真实。那不只是一个故事。
为什么不相信呢，如果相信比较幸福。
我相信，柯景滕爱过沈佳宜，
很青春，很热血，很幼稚的方式喜欢着。
我相信，会有人爱我
像柯景滕爱沈佳宜那样
不离不弃
我选择相信，
因为比较幸福。
也许平行时空里的你和我，
是在一起的。
真羡慕啊。
posted from Bloggeroid
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
What hurts the most,
watching you love somebody else
Yet I sense myself in you
my old habits, habits preserved in you
my preferences, love for a particular type of music, a partiality to blue skies and sunsets
I see a part of myself in you,
a reminder we onced loved each other with everything we had
You couldn't erase my mark,
just like I couldn't forget your warmth
My heart clenches everytime I'm reminded
you love another
It's not pain, not anguish
It's regret
watching you love somebody else
Yet I sense myself in you
my old habits, habits preserved in you
my preferences, love for a particular type of music, a partiality to blue skies and sunsets
I see a part of myself in you,
a reminder we onced loved each other with everything we had
You couldn't erase my mark,
just like I couldn't forget your warmth
My heart clenches everytime I'm reminded
you love another
It's not pain, not anguish
It's regret
posted from Bloggeroid
Saturday, October 29, 2011
我本来以为我是一个地球人，普通到不能更普通的地球人。
直到我认识另一个地球人，和一个火星人。
才知道，我的发源地在土星。
火星距离土星 1,201,460,000千米，
地球和火星最近距离都要 5,517万千米，
地球和土星之间差了1,426,940,000千米，
所以，我们三个凑在一起。
是多么难得啊。
争吵是一种沟通，
总胜过冰冷冰冷的沉默。
有事就说，
大家做下来好好说，
说不拢吵一架，
吵完就算了。
为什么三个人就是做不成好朋友？
两个人是人，三个人也是人
四个人当然还是人。
多可惜啊，如果真就这么散了。
地球人，火星人，土星人，
缘分把人（不分星球）聚在一起
但像所有感情一样
友情也需要经营
就算这是跨星球的友谊。
Friendship Forever,
唉。
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Monday, October 24, 2011
Friday, October 21, 2011
Thursday, October 20, 2011
这不是你的错，我知道的。
你这样做，严格上来说，根本没错。
我也知道的，这不是她的错。
甚至，我替她不值，替她难过。
她没有错，那些人却要惩罚她。
我不忍心。
可是我好难受。
胸口好闷好闷。
我以为自己又要哭了，但没有。眼角干得让人发慌。
我根本就是事不关己的路人，理当己不劳心。
扯吧，明明不关我的事。
如果可以，我情愿什么都不知道…
什么都不知道。
你这样做，严格上来说，根本没错。
我也知道的，这不是她的错。
甚至，我替她不值，替她难过。
她没有错，那些人却要惩罚她。
我不忍心。
可是我好难受。
胸口好闷好闷。
我以为自己又要哭了，但没有。眼角干得让人发慌。
我根本就是事不关己的路人，理当己不劳心。
扯吧，明明不关我的事。
如果可以，我情愿什么都不知道…
什么都不知道。
posted from Bloggeroid
Monday, October 17, 2011
Xamiol?
Calcipotriol, betamethason Dipropionate...?
Does it mean, I can finally wear black again?
Does it?
Calcipotriol, betamethason Dipropionate...?
Does it mean, I can finally wear black again?
Does it?
posted from Bloggeroid
Sunday, October 16, 2011
I noticed, in front of the bathroom mirror just now, the dye on my hair is falling off.
There's this funny thing, about dye. A little like many kinds of relationships.
When I first dyed my hair, I could hardly make out the color-- my hair still looked pretty black to me.
After a few days, and weeks, the color grew more and more prominent, highlighting my black hair with a dark, red tint.
Months and months later, the dye began to fall off, the red fading...fading...fading...and it all went back to black.
Many relationships are like that, no?
You start off with nothing, and colors of friendship, comradeship, love, appear as feelings deepen.
However, as time passes, feelings fade. Thus, the colors fade.
And you end up with nothing. Nothing but the shade of black that once shone with the colors of the rainbow.
In the mind's eye the colors are as vivid as ever, different shades of sunset, autumn leaves, flowers, ocean. Endless swirling colors, overflowing rivers rainbows, all darkened to that total, infinite black.
But in that black I still see, the twinkle in the eyes of all the people I've loved and lost.
And in the black I still see, the color of your smile when you smiled at me.
There's this funny thing, about dye. A little like many kinds of relationships.
When I first dyed my hair, I could hardly make out the color-- my hair still looked pretty black to me.
After a few days, and weeks, the color grew more and more prominent, highlighting my black hair with a dark, red tint.
Months and months later, the dye began to fall off, the red fading...fading...fading...and it all went back to black.
Many relationships are like that, no?
You start off with nothing, and colors of friendship, comradeship, love, appear as feelings deepen.
However, as time passes, feelings fade. Thus, the colors fade.
And you end up with nothing. Nothing but the shade of black that once shone with the colors of the rainbow.
In the mind's eye the colors are as vivid as ever, different shades of sunset, autumn leaves, flowers, ocean. Endless swirling colors, overflowing rivers rainbows, all darkened to that total, infinite black.
But in that black I still see, the twinkle in the eyes of all the people I've loved and lost.
And in the black I still see, the color of your smile when you smiled at me.
Friday, October 14, 2011
其实咯
不管是火星人还是地球人
都问了我N次分手的原因
我都不知道怎样回答
是你，你回答什么？？
火星人也很给力地问我
为什么喜欢你哦
其实
这是一个非常深奥的问题
讲不完啊你的好
要讲三天三夜的
讲到口水都干了
讲到口水都干了
靠 连我妈
劝我放弃你的妈
都觉得你其实是一个很好很好很好
很难得很难得很难得
的好男生
（虽然没有在我面前讲啦，怕我放不下吗）
（可是，我有自己的门路，该听到的都听到了）
（而且，不管她怎么觉得我都知道他好嘛，没差）
你一定不知道
我父母亲允许我去KL
完全因为觉得你安排得很不错
也不知道
那一个星期多在KL
是我一辈子（17年的一辈子，讲短不短讲长不长）
最快乐的回忆
那时候我真的相信
我们可以这样
一直一直牵手走下去
不知道你知不知道
在你面前我其实是自卑的
你那么好那么优秀
我感觉上什么都不行酱
结果谈个恋爱
战战兢兢如履薄冰
超没安全感
结果就是
吵不完的架
命运真爱做弄人
两个字---jek ak
没有分手我就不会纠正正自己该死的心态
可是纠正了
还是该死地分了手嘛
真的是
该死地讨厌
该死地讨厌
不知不觉
（骗话，除了睡觉的时候我非常觉得时间过很慢）
过了一年又N月N天
很多东西都模糊了
不清不楚的
可能再过多一年N月N天
我就彻底什么
都不记得啦
不应该怀疑的
因为一年又N月N天前
打死我都不信我可以是今天的样子
其实
如果你真的一不小心忘了我
也算可以理解啦
毕竟我是nobody
普普通通平平凡凡
的一个人
没多少优点
缺点可以装一辆lorry
拥有这么灿烂的笑容的你
不应该为了这朵乌云暗淡
对不？
其实我可以把我觉得你的好
都记下来的
怕你paiseh 而已～
也怕不小心路过的人看到
鸡皮疙瘩跌满地板
罪过罪过
SO
我就不写了
不然的话要写七七四十九天
也是很麻烦的
突然冒这么一个无厘头的帖
不要怀疑
我的确疯了 XD
不应该为了这朵乌云暗淡
对不？
其实我可以把我觉得你的好
都记下来的
怕你paiseh 而已～
也怕不小心路过的人看到
鸡皮疙瘩跌满地板
罪过罪过
SO
我就不写了
不然的话要写七七四十九天
也是很麻烦的
突然冒这么一个无厘头的帖
不要怀疑
我的确疯了 XD
Thursday, October 13, 2011
The falling leaves drift by my window
The falling leaves of red and gold
I see your lips, the summer kisses
The sunburned hands I used to hold
Since you went away the days grow long
And soon I'll hear old winter's song
But I miss you most of all, my darling
When autumn leaves start to fall
(Instrumental for 1 minute)
Since you went away the days grow long
And soon I'll hear old winter's song
But I miss you most of all, my darling
When autumn leaves start to fall
I miss you most of all, my darling
When autumn leaves start to fall
The falling leaves of red and gold
I see your lips, the summer kisses
The sunburned hands I used to hold
Since you went away the days grow long
And soon I'll hear old winter's song
But I miss you most of all, my darling
When autumn leaves start to fall
(Instrumental for 1 minute)
Since you went away the days grow long
And soon I'll hear old winter's song
But I miss you most of all, my darling
When autumn leaves start to fall
I miss you most of all, my darling
When autumn leaves start to fall
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Monday, October 10, 2011
To Motorcyclists who like to Chat on the Road
I know you think it's cool
for two motorcyclists to ride side by side
in the middle of the road
slow and steady
talking about who knows what and laughing who knows who's heads off
But PLEASE
I am a L licence driver!!
I'm not supposed to overtake you
not even if you are driving 30km per hour!!
You have a lot of bullshit to tell
please do it in a kopitiam, by the roadside
anywhere is better than in front of me
If I press the gas pedal too much
then we go ping pong piang liao lo
god bless us.
=___________=
for two motorcyclists to ride side by side
in the middle of the road
slow and steady
talking about who knows what and laughing who knows who's heads off
But PLEASE
I am a L licence driver!!
I'm not supposed to overtake you
not even if you are driving 30km per hour!!
You have a lot of bullshit to tell
please do it in a kopitiam, by the roadside
anywhere is better than in front of me
If I press the gas pedal too much
then we go ping pong piang liao lo
god bless us.
=___________=
One glance, once in a while.
That's all I have.
Nothing more, nothing less.
This does not despairs me, nor does it encourages me.
It does not heal my heart, nor does it break it.
This is habit. Countless times I challenged it, and countless times I failed.
Sometimes, some feelings cannot be put into words.
Sometimes, all I write here is bullshit, cause I need to write, but don't know what, and how to write.
Love is like a song.
The more time you spend hearing it, the more the longer you remember it.
Over time, the lyrics may be forgotten, but the melody remains.
A few words, a line or two, that's all you need to remember.
That's all I have.
Nothing more, nothing less.
This does not despairs me, nor does it encourages me.
It does not heal my heart, nor does it break it.
This is habit. Countless times I challenged it, and countless times I failed.
Sometimes, some feelings cannot be put into words.
Sometimes, all I write here is bullshit, cause I need to write, but don't know what, and how to write.
Love is like a song.
The more time you spend hearing it, the more the longer you remember it.
Over time, the lyrics may be forgotten, but the melody remains.
A few words, a line or two, that's all you need to remember.
Friday, October 7, 2011
Hana Kimi
花样少年少女。
几年前，几出名的台湾偶像剧。
当时，买片子来看，结论是很脑残，不过很不错的一出戏。
最近，电视上重播，很自然就追起来了。
和上次看一样，觉得很脑残，不过很不错的一出戏。
和上次不同的是，对“很不错”的部分有了更切身的体会。
瑞希是一个很笨，笨到白目都没她笨的白目。
泉是一个很完美的男人，也是一个比自闭更闷的自闭。
一个女孩越洋报名男校，故事背景很扯。
故事本身，却很赞。
我看着瑞希对泉从单纯的崇拜仰慕到真正地爱上他，也看着泉一点一点因为瑞希而更活泼开朗，为瑞希改变，爱上她。
他们不是情侣，从头到尾都不是，但比很多情侣甜蜜。
我看着他们互相了解，互相依赖。
一起上学，一起吃饭，一起出门，偶尔做恶梦还一起睡觉。
在这个很扯的背景下，我看见了很屌的东西。
他们的默契，在最华丽的爱情故事里也找不到。
“我会保护你的。“
这是泉没有告诉瑞希的诺言。
现在的女生，很多很优秀，理智，果断，懂得保护自己的。
但是，如果可以在某个人面前，可以懦弱，可以任性，可以笨一点，那多好啊。
如果可以这样被呵护着又这样在乎着，就算不是情侣又怎样呢？
于是，这出戏给了我无限遐想。
我想毫无保留，毫无心机地去爱多一次。
我不想对爱情的幻想仅剩恐惧。
瑞希偷偷爱着泉，泉偷偷爱着瑞希。
暧昧不明的爱，穿插在二人共同的生活中，有点酸有点甜。
这是一个没有结局的故事，因为没有比现状更好的选择了。
等毕业再说吧。
这个结局其实是整个故事最扯，又最真实的地方。
谁有勇气去面对那么大的改变？
但毫无改变，请问是什么脑残大结局啊？
于是这个故事持续着。不只爱情，还有很逗很温馨的友情。
一切永恒持续着。
如果这是一份电影赏析的报告，会得多少分？
可惜这个只是部落格里一篇很脑残，但也许不错的帖子，而这，也之是一个很脑残，但很不错的偶像剧。
几年前，几出名的台湾偶像剧。
当时，买片子来看，结论是很脑残，不过很不错的一出戏。
最近，电视上重播，很自然就追起来了。
和上次看一样，觉得很脑残，不过很不错的一出戏。
和上次不同的是，对“很不错”的部分有了更切身的体会。
瑞希是一个很笨，笨到白目都没她笨的白目。
泉是一个很完美的男人，也是一个比自闭更闷的自闭。
一个女孩越洋报名男校，故事背景很扯。
故事本身，却很赞。
我看着瑞希对泉从单纯的崇拜仰慕到真正地爱上他，也看着泉一点一点因为瑞希而更活泼开朗，为瑞希改变，爱上她。
他们不是情侣，从头到尾都不是，但比很多情侣甜蜜。
我看着他们互相了解，互相依赖。
一起上学，一起吃饭，一起出门，偶尔做恶梦还一起睡觉。
在这个很扯的背景下，我看见了很屌的东西。
他们的默契，在最华丽的爱情故事里也找不到。
“我会保护你的。“
这是泉没有告诉瑞希的诺言。
现在的女生，很多很优秀，理智，果断，懂得保护自己的。
但是，如果可以在某个人面前，可以懦弱，可以任性，可以笨一点，那多好啊。
如果可以这样被呵护着又这样在乎着，就算不是情侣又怎样呢？
于是，这出戏给了我无限遐想。
我想毫无保留，毫无心机地去爱多一次。
我不想对爱情的幻想仅剩恐惧。
瑞希偷偷爱着泉，泉偷偷爱着瑞希。
暧昧不明的爱，穿插在二人共同的生活中，有点酸有点甜。
这是一个没有结局的故事，因为没有比现状更好的选择了。
等毕业再说吧。
这个结局其实是整个故事最扯，又最真实的地方。
谁有勇气去面对那么大的改变？
但毫无改变，请问是什么脑残大结局啊？
于是这个故事持续着。不只爱情，还有很逗很温馨的友情。
一切永恒持续着。
如果这是一份电影赏析的报告，会得多少分？
可惜这个只是部落格里一篇很脑残，但也许不错的帖子，而这，也之是一个很脑残，但很不错的偶像剧。
posted from Bloggeroid
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
I know there is somebody
standing behind me
waiting
for me to understand
what I am waiting for
I also know that
even though I have been through this
over and over
same path, same road
I never know when it will finally
finally come to an end.
It's really funny
how fate works
as if its making fun of us
creating circles and circles
of love unrequited
Pathways that twist like mazes
pain that burns through hell
When we live
we take a dead person's place on Earth
when we die
someone else takes our place
War is cruel
yet without war
the overgrowing population
faces the same cruel fate
starvation, diseases,
non stopping Deaths
The world is so big
I feel meek
yet even so
I cannot control my feelings
however unwanted they are
Sometimes, I really regret
making that vow
that vow that promised
no matter what happens
I will never forget you
No matter what happens.
Not even this this happens.
standing behind me
waiting
for me to understand
what I am waiting for
I also know that
even though I have been through this
over and over
same path, same road
I never know when it will finally
finally come to an end.
It's really funny
how fate works
as if its making fun of us
creating circles and circles
of love unrequited
Pathways that twist like mazes
pain that burns through hell
When we live
we take a dead person's place on Earth
when we die
someone else takes our place
War is cruel
yet without war
the overgrowing population
faces the same cruel fate
starvation, diseases,
non stopping Deaths
The world is so big
I feel meek
yet even so
I cannot control my feelings
however unwanted they are
Sometimes, I really regret
making that vow
that vow that promised
no matter what happens
I will never forget you
No matter what happens.
Not even this this happens.
Sunday, October 2, 2011
I have been dreaming again.
One afternoon of close contact, and I find my eyes, once again, helplessly following your every move.
You never realized, did you?
But your friend did.
I envy that girl who could hold your hand, because I know you would never hold mine.
My fingers were entwined with another, but it not bring warmth and comfort you once offered.
The sense of security, right there in your palms.
I was horrified of myself, horrified and angry, for my weakness and your strength.
I thought I finally achieved it, getting you out of my heart, if not my life.
I thought nothing was remained except for memories, and even those I had shunned away, eager to make new ones, with a new partner.
But I could see no one, no matter the fact that I had stopped staring after you.
Tempus fugit. Even the pain had been gradually forgotten. But apparently, love had not.
I convinced everyone and myself I don't love him, and it's true, in a way.
But how I wish the dreams would come true. Us being friends.
Always I ask myself, why friends? Is there really the need?
And then I would ask, what are YOU trying to prove? You cannot even look me in the eye!
And after all those efforts I've gone through, I am confused all over again.
Do you love me, or do you love me not?
Do I love you, or do I love your not?
That is the question.
But perhaps, better left unanswered.
One afternoon of close contact, and I find my eyes, once again, helplessly following your every move.
You never realized, did you?
But your friend did.
I envy that girl who could hold your hand, because I know you would never hold mine.
My fingers were entwined with another, but it not bring warmth and comfort you once offered.
The sense of security, right there in your palms.
I was horrified of myself, horrified and angry, for my weakness and your strength.
I thought I finally achieved it, getting you out of my heart, if not my life.
I thought nothing was remained except for memories, and even those I had shunned away, eager to make new ones, with a new partner.
But I could see no one, no matter the fact that I had stopped staring after you.
Tempus fugit. Even the pain had been gradually forgotten. But apparently, love had not.
I convinced everyone and myself I don't love him, and it's true, in a way.
But how I wish the dreams would come true. Us being friends.
Always I ask myself, why friends? Is there really the need?
And then I would ask, what are YOU trying to prove? You cannot even look me in the eye!
And after all those efforts I've gone through, I am confused all over again.
Do you love me, or do you love me not?
Do I love you, or do I love your not?
That is the question.
But perhaps, better left unanswered.
posted from Bloggeroid
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
BOOKS
After the hundreds of books and have read
and the many I have fallen in love with
I have come to regard books as a necessity
and not just some luxury
The wondrous tales the books tell
entwining their graceful magic around me
enveloping me
providing bliss from the outside world
and solitude and silence
even in the midst of the noisiest crowd
Feeding my imagination with fantasies
my intellect with facts
Reading is as essential to me
as prayers are to a holy Christian
Books are my religion
the beings I would bet my soul on
If to me, life is nothing
but endless sufferings and torments
Books
would be the saving grace
of my otherwise wretched life.
and the many I have fallen in love with
I have come to regard books as a necessity
and not just some luxury
The wondrous tales the books tell
entwining their graceful magic around me
enveloping me
providing bliss from the outside world
and solitude and silence
even in the midst of the noisiest crowd
Feeding my imagination with fantasies
my intellect with facts
Reading is as essential to me
as prayers are to a holy Christian
Books are my religion
the beings I would bet my soul on
If to me, life is nothing
but endless sufferings and torments
Books
would be the saving grace
of my otherwise wretched life.
Monday, September 19, 2011
Does if matter?
what are truths and what are not.
There's no turning back
no second chance
I found wings and I flew with the winds
But no matter where I fly to
I always land here
this one place I always have to come back to.
Mistakes you made don't matter to people who loves you
They matter to the people who is deciding between loving you
or hating you
Of all the words I've heard
Sorry seems to be the hardest word
not to say
but to accept
Because when someone says sorry to you
You know they have nothing else to offer you.
:)
what are truths and what are not.
There's no turning back
no second chance
I found wings and I flew with the winds
But no matter where I fly to
I always land here
this one place I always have to come back to.
Mistakes you made don't matter to people who loves you
They matter to the people who is deciding between loving you
or hating you
Of all the words I've heard
Sorry seems to be the hardest word
not to say
but to accept
Because when someone says sorry to you
You know they have nothing else to offer you.
:)
posted from Bloggeroid
Friday, September 16, 2011
If you think about it this way, all his silence took a different meaning.
It was guilt, embarrassment. Maybe once there was more, but now?
If you think about it this way, all this words took a different meaning.
There had never been proof anyway, there was only my interpretation. I never bargained for it to be wrong, but I guess time changes a lot of stuff. Time changes a lot of people too.
I still cry. Silently, alone. I suppose its a phase I have to go through, one I will leave behind one day.
I think its time to admit that, good as you are, you are not the right person for me.
It was guilt, embarrassment. Maybe once there was more, but now?
If you think about it this way, all this words took a different meaning.
There had never been proof anyway, there was only my interpretation. I never bargained for it to be wrong, but I guess time changes a lot of stuff. Time changes a lot of people too.
I still cry. Silently, alone. I suppose its a phase I have to go through, one I will leave behind one day.
I think its time to admit that, good as you are, you are not the right person for me.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Friday, September 9, 2011
Saturday, September 3, 2011
This is different.
I don't know if this counts.
I never thought I would stop missing you, no matter how much time had passed since you left. I still don't think so.
I'm moving on with my life. New friends, new dreams, new ambitions. New hairstyle, new clothes,new beliefs.
But where am I heading to? Where will I go?
Life is so short, yet also so long, so full of challenges and difficulties.
So much I've learned from you, so much I still have to learn.
My heartbeat now matches no one else's but mine. It once matched yours, but I suppose, things change.
Will I learn to love somebody else? I have no answer to that.
I've changed, and am no longer the me I used to be, one year ago. That girl may have loved you with everything she had, but this one, this girl that replaced her, is not the same.
Do you wonder about us? You never try to contact me voluntarily. But that explains everything and nothing.
You have always been and will always be inside my heart, the only difference time made was the proportion.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Life
Life and death
life does not naturally have to be the best
and death is not always the worst
People ask
is killing right or wrong?
Depends on the situation
But to someone who craves death
killing is mercy.
And mercy, no matter right or wrong
is good.
There is nothing that is unforgivable
because everyone makes mistakes
we are all humans
no one has the right to judge
but God
and God, if great as all the testaments claim
surely would not judge
This world is a beautiful and ugly place
the most beautiful place on earth
is a human's heart
the ugliest place on earth
is a human's heart
best thoughts come out of it
cruelest condemnation comes out of it
the heart can forgive
the heart can also seek retaliation
Humans are unpredictable and predictable
everyone has habits
habits are predictable
everyone changes from time to time
so everything is unpredictable
Nothing is wholly right
and nothing is wholly wrong
in every circumstances comes exceptions
and who are we to draw the line
between the black and the white?
This is life
plan for the worse possible outcome
with the confidence of the best probable outcome
Always plan ahead
but be ready to change your plans as they go
Remember
It wasn't raining when Noah built his ark.
X)
life does not naturally have to be the best
and death is not always the worst
People ask
is killing right or wrong?
Depends on the situation
But to someone who craves death
killing is mercy.
And mercy, no matter right or wrong
is good.
There is nothing that is unforgivable
because everyone makes mistakes
we are all humans
no one has the right to judge
but God
and God, if great as all the testaments claim
surely would not judge
This world is a beautiful and ugly place
the most beautiful place on earth
is a human's heart
the ugliest place on earth
is a human's heart
best thoughts come out of it
cruelest condemnation comes out of it
the heart can forgive
the heart can also seek retaliation
Humans are unpredictable and predictable
everyone has habits
habits are predictable
everyone changes from time to time
so everything is unpredictable
Nothing is wholly right
and nothing is wholly wrong
in every circumstances comes exceptions
and who are we to draw the line
between the black and the white?
This is life
plan for the worse possible outcome
with the confidence of the best probable outcome
Always plan ahead
but be ready to change your plans as they go
Remember
It wasn't raining when Noah built his ark.
X)
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
==, =='', anonymous
this post is dedicated to ==, =='', anonymous and many other people who reads and comments on my blog, cause without you, my blog would be a one man show :DDD (though I really really really wonder who u are)
AND you guys gave me a lot of advice to think on, really appreciate it~~ kamsahamida ya XD
P.S okay I admit,this is lame, I am bored. LOL
AND you guys gave me a lot of advice to think on, really appreciate it~~ kamsahamida ya XD
P.S okay I admit,this is lame, I am bored. LOL
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Monday, August 22, 2011
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Feels great
spending time alone in a bookshop
wearing earphones
and allowing music to engulf you
while surrounded by hundreds and thousands of books
Seriously
I love it
When I can drive,
I will be doing it all the time
-------hanging out alone with earphones plugged on in MPH or Popular for the whole day XD
spending time alone in a bookshop
wearing earphones
and allowing music to engulf you
while surrounded by hundreds and thousands of books
Seriously
I love it
When I can drive,
I will be doing it all the time
-------hanging out alone with earphones plugged on in MPH or Popular for the whole day XD
Monday, August 15, 2011
too many deaths
near death of family
death of family
deaths of friends' family
Is this a part of growing up?
I will admit
I am afraid of the day
death will happen on people
I love
I am afraid
really
But
to all my friends and family out there
who have lost somebody
people we love
will always live inside us
and will never
ever
leave.
:')
near death of family
death of family
deaths of friends' family
Is this a part of growing up?
I will admit
I am afraid of the day
death will happen on people
I love
I am afraid
really
But
to all my friends and family out there
who have lost somebody
people we love
will always live inside us
and will never
ever
leave.
:')
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Funny
how sometimes you're so sad
but tears won't come
and sometimes
you're so frustrated
you would rather poke yourself blind than tear
and you find yourself sobbing uncontrollably
I wish for a shoulder
I can lay on
but it would never happen
in reality
because I would never, ever
trust anyone enough
to lay on their shoulder
and believe they won't leave me behind
again
Monday, August 8, 2011
Tempus fugit
He left
She left
Nobody is left
He changed
She changed
Nobody is still the same
Tempus fugit
time flies
present morphs into past
future becomes the present
times rushes on
like a stream never going to stop
new banks are shaped
as the waters tumbles along
nothing can keep its present state
sooner or later
it all changes
anything and everything
everyday the trees grow a little taller
the sky expands a little wider
the flowers blooms with a little more frangrance
everyday someone enters my life
everyday someone leaves it
sometimes they brush by
not leaving one hint
that sometime, someone had been here and left
everyday people are born
everyday people die
17 years ago I was born
maybe 17 years later
I will be dead
Who can tell?
Time makes no promises.
She left
Nobody is left
He changed
She changed
Nobody is still the same
Tempus fugit
time flies
present morphs into past
future becomes the present
times rushes on
like a stream never going to stop
new banks are shaped
as the waters tumbles along
nothing can keep its present state
sooner or later
it all changes
anything and everything
everyday the trees grow a little taller
the sky expands a little wider
the flowers blooms with a little more frangrance
everyday someone enters my life
everyday someone leaves it
sometimes they brush by
not leaving one hint
that sometime, someone had been here and left
everyday people are born
everyday people die
17 years ago I was born
maybe 17 years later
I will be dead
Who can tell?
Time makes no promises.
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Thursday, August 4, 2011
On the Other Side of the Window
On the other side of the window
a silhouette shimmered
it talked, it whispered, it laughed
it walked, it stopped, it sat
On the other side of the window
a dream was fading fast
like sand cupped in palms
slipping between fingertips
disappearing
On the other side of the window
love found, lost, found and lost again
a heartbreaking game
no one wanted to end
but like all other games
this one too, have an end
Nothing more than a window between this two worlds
two lives once entangled, now torn apart
two hands once entwined, now let go
two futures, once combined, now splitting again
They say two is better than one
I say otherwise
I say one is the best
because love teaches compromises
and two become one
I say two is the worst
because when one is separated into two
both sides hurt
double the pain
double the ache
On the other side of the window
I wonder...
if anything other than the silhouette I
am enthralled by
exists
a silhouette shimmered
it talked, it whispered, it laughed
it walked, it stopped, it sat
On the other side of the window
a dream was fading fast
like sand cupped in palms
slipping between fingertips
disappearing
On the other side of the window
love found, lost, found and lost again
a heartbreaking game
no one wanted to end
but like all other games
this one too, have an end
Nothing more than a window between this two worlds
two lives once entangled, now torn apart
two hands once entwined, now let go
two futures, once combined, now splitting again
They say two is better than one
I say otherwise
I say one is the best
because love teaches compromises
and two become one
I say two is the worst
because when one is separated into two
both sides hurt
double the pain
double the ache
On the other side of the window
I wonder...
if anything other than the silhouette I
am enthralled by
exists
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
旧欢如梦
旧欢如梦
忽远忽近的往事
忽明忽灭的泪珠
零零碎碎的片段
遥不可及
像散落一地的拼图
怎么拼凑
都无法完整
让我跋山涉水
就为了寻找
我们遗失的美好
对不起
做不到
我依然走着我的路
有点坎坷有点辛苦
有点寂寞有点无助
但我仍然背着这个梦
旧欢如梦
呵旧欢如梦
美丽如一场梦
短暂如一场梦
一切
只是一场梦
忽远忽近的往事
忽明忽灭的泪珠
零零碎碎的片段
遥不可及
像散落一地的拼图
怎么拼凑
都无法完整
让我跋山涉水
就为了寻找
我们遗失的美好
对不起
做不到
我依然走着我的路
有点坎坷有点辛苦
有点寂寞有点无助
但我仍然背着这个梦
旧欢如梦
呵旧欢如梦
美丽如一场梦
短暂如一场梦
一切
只是一场梦
posted from Bloggeroid
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Yes/No
Can I do it?
Should I do it?
Never thought I'd give this another try
but
life didn't always go the way you planned
But I'm out of confidence
Can I really do this?
When you made this choice
how did you know which was the better option?
perhaps it was the fastest out for you
but I'm already on my way
right now
I'm just afraid of having knocked down once again
My confidence wavered as it disappeared
and this time
I'm ten times more afraid than the last
and I might not give as much as I had
though
I might expect a lot more
or a lot less
than what I used to wish for
If this was you
what would you do?
Should I do it?
Never thought I'd give this another try
but
life didn't always go the way you planned
But I'm out of confidence
Can I really do this?
When you made this choice
how did you know which was the better option?
perhaps it was the fastest out for you
but I'm already on my way
right now
I'm just afraid of having knocked down once again
My confidence wavered as it disappeared
and this time
I'm ten times more afraid than the last
and I might not give as much as I had
though
I might expect a lot more
or a lot less
than what I used to wish for
If this was you
what would you do?
Monday, July 25, 2011
写
我喜欢写
有意义没意义
都没关系
写着写着
不由自主地思考着
于是想不通的
想通了
世界上很多东西是多努力
都换不来的
也有很多东西
够努力就能够拥有
问题是
值得吗
掏心淘肺的努力
还来得结果
值得吗
有些人会得到结论
不
不值得
于是
明明垂手可得的
我却把手收回来了
原本握在手心的
我却把手松开了
不是我不要
是我要不起
我用这支笔这个键盘
写写停停
停停写写
抓紧的松开的
拥有的失去的
我全写
写到哭了累了
才领悟我短短前半生
喜怒哀乐的意义
我看别人写的
可能远方别人在看我写的
感受陌生人的感受
找到自我
将被我永远放在手心的
回是这支
倾诉我心的笔
有意义没意义
都没关系
写着写着
不由自主地思考着
于是想不通的
想通了
世界上很多东西是多努力
都换不来的
也有很多东西
够努力就能够拥有
问题是
值得吗
掏心淘肺的努力
还来得结果
值得吗
有些人会得到结论
不
不值得
于是
明明垂手可得的
我却把手收回来了
原本握在手心的
我却把手松开了
不是我不要
是我要不起
我用这支笔这个键盘
写写停停
停停写写
抓紧的松开的
拥有的失去的
我全写
写到哭了累了
才领悟我短短前半生
喜怒哀乐的意义
我看别人写的
可能远方别人在看我写的
感受陌生人的感受
找到自我
将被我永远放在手心的
回是这支
倾诉我心的笔
posted from Bloggeroid
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
纸星星
那时
想把一切都给你
却没办法送你那片夜空
只能够
把天空的星星折成纸星星
告诉你我愿意
把所有对流星许的愿望
去交换一个爱我的你
每朵星星
不一样的意义
我对你的感情，我的在乎，我的歉意，我的恐惧
全都告诉你
想说
给我时间
学会更自由地爱你
缘灭了
你走了
我也走了
星星还在夜空中闪烁
我送你的
那些纸星星
又在哪里呢
当它失去当初承载的意义后
在哪里又有什么差别呢
沧海桑田
连天气都会变
更何况诺言
可是
只要你留着我最完整的初恋
then
I will always love you
想把一切都给你
却没办法送你那片夜空
只能够
把天空的星星折成纸星星
告诉你我愿意
把所有对流星许的愿望
去交换一个爱我的你
每朵星星
不一样的意义
我对你的感情，我的在乎，我的歉意，我的恐惧
全都告诉你
想说
给我时间
学会更自由地爱你
缘灭了
你走了
我也走了
星星还在夜空中闪烁
我送你的
那些纸星星
又在哪里呢
当它失去当初承载的意义后
在哪里又有什么差别呢
沧海桑田
连天气都会变
更何况诺言
可是
只要你留着我最完整的初恋
then
I will always love you
posted from Bloggeroid
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Silver Valentine
就这样
又一年
一切都变了
我们都在向前走
就像永不停驻的河水一样
义无反顾地奔向大海
只有回忆
是河岸的砂石
它永远停留在爱情刚开始的时候
看着时间从指尖流逝
听着幸福破碎的歌声
缘分要慢慢松开
而不是用力扯断
可惜当我明白
缠绕手中的红线
已经嵌出一丝丝血痕
而想念，也在伤口愈合的过程中
和疤痕一起淡却
缘分开始的时候
在人群中
我看见了你
缘分结束后
我看见了你
在人群中。
Sunday, July 10, 2011
我低估了自己想痊愈的心
以为听到你不爱我
会痛彻心扉
结果才发现到
在时间流逝的过程中
手心承载的爱也已经从指缝中飘走
我一直奔跑着
想逃离那个最美丽的噩梦
在听到最坏的消息的时候
我也确实慌了
想哭，想跑，想问为什么
想知道你是怎么做到的
然后
我发现
我错愣，我生气，我失望
但我没有很痛
我没有想象中那么伤
胸口想窒息的感觉
那只是破碎的梦所留下的纪念
我不痛
也许很久以前我曾经很爱你
也是很久以后我都不会忘记你
但是爱
已经在日日夜夜的想念中
消失殆尽了
得不到的总会淡忘
又怎么会有得不到回应却能长存的爱呢
也许有人做得到
但那人绝对不会是我
以为听到你不爱我
会痛彻心扉
结果才发现到
在时间流逝的过程中
手心承载的爱也已经从指缝中飘走
我一直奔跑着
想逃离那个最美丽的噩梦
在听到最坏的消息的时候
我也确实慌了
想哭，想跑，想问为什么
想知道你是怎么做到的
然后
我发现
我错愣，我生气，我失望
但我没有很痛
我没有想象中那么伤
胸口想窒息的感觉
那只是破碎的梦所留下的纪念
我不痛
也许很久以前我曾经很爱你
也是很久以后我都不会忘记你
但是爱
已经在日日夜夜的想念中
消失殆尽了
得不到的总会淡忘
又怎么会有得不到回应却能长存的爱呢
也许有人做得到
但那人绝对不会是我
posted from Bloggeroid
Friday, July 8, 2011
三公分阳光三公分空气
堵在眼前像一面玻璃
挡住了你表情剩下只有脚印
堵在眼前像一面玻璃
挡住了你表情剩下只有脚印
一直向前走走不完距离
一直向后退不出回忆
很高兴有心事帮我困住自己
一直向后退不出回忆
很高兴有心事帮我困住自己
你头发上淡淡青草香气
变成了风才能和我相遇
你的目光蒸发成云
再下成雨我才能够靠近
变成了风才能和我相遇
你的目光蒸发成云
再下成雨我才能够靠近
感谢我不可以住进你的眼睛
所以才能拥抱你的背影
有再多的遗憾用来牢牢记住
不完美的所有美丽
所以才能拥抱你的背影
有再多的遗憾用来牢牢记住
不完美的所有美丽
感谢我不可以拥抱你的背影
所以才能变成你的背影
躲在安静角落不用你回头看
不用珍惜
所以才能变成你的背影
躲在安静角落不用你回头看
不用珍惜
我怀里所有温暖的空气
变成风也不敢和你相遇
变成风也不敢和你相遇
我的心事蒸发成云
再下成雨却舍不得淋湿你
再下成雨却舍不得淋湿你
感謝我不可以住进你的眼睛
所以才能拥抱你的背影
所以才能拥抱你的背影
有再多的遗憾用来牢牢记住
不完美的所有美丽
不完美的所有美丽
感谢我不可以拥抱你的背影
所以才能变成你的背影
躲在安静角落不用你回头看
不用珍惜
所以才能变成你的背影
躲在安静角落不用你回头看
不用珍惜
感谢我不可以拥抱你的背影
所以才能变成你的背影
躲在安静角落如果你回头看
不用在意
所以才能变成你的背影
躲在安静角落如果你回头看
不用在意
Thursday, June 30, 2011
The Next Me
The next me,
who will that be?
Slipping on and off different masks
playing different roles
One body
Multiple personalities, multiple lives
All of them are a part of me
but neither of them is really me
All so different
all strangers to each other,
all familiar to me.
Would've gone on life with just one mask
but turns out that wasn't enough
have'ta keep changing and changing
always different person from the last
People tend to ask,
"which one is the real you?"
all I can say is
it depends on who you are to me.
:)
Monday, June 27, 2011
when I think about
how it felt to burrow against your chest
how it felt to sleep on your shoulder
how it felt to hold your hand
how it felt to lay in your arms.
All those words you've said
they've blurred over so much time
some I remember, some I don't
but those I did
did nothing more than to hurt me
so I forgot those too.
However simpler feelings remained
feelings of physical closeness
feelings of your eyes on me
feelings of your love for me
they stayed, and haunted me.
love and life go on
and I to do
yet
everytime I remember your hugs
how it had felt to have something,
someone strong to lay against
the gaping hole in my chest becomes hard to ignore
the emptiness of my hands, bereft of yours
I'll forget you. I know someday I will.
All of it. You and your mouth full of promises, your hands full of miracles and your eyes full of dreams.
I will forget them all.
how it felt to burrow against your chest
how it felt to sleep on your shoulder
how it felt to hold your hand
how it felt to lay in your arms.
All those words you've said
they've blurred over so much time
some I remember, some I don't
but those I did
did nothing more than to hurt me
so I forgot those too.
However simpler feelings remained
feelings of physical closeness
feelings of your eyes on me
feelings of your love for me
they stayed, and haunted me.
love and life go on
and I to do
yet
everytime I remember your hugs
how it had felt to have something,
someone strong to lay against
the gaping hole in my chest becomes hard to ignore
the emptiness of my hands, bereft of yours
I'll forget you. I know someday I will.
All of it. You and your mouth full of promises, your hands full of miracles and your eyes full of dreams.
I will forget them all.
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Get Out
Get out of my brain.
Get out of my head.
Get out of my memories.
Get out of my life.
GET OUT OF MY HEART.
Thanks.
Saturday, June 18, 2011
For She Who Laughed Most
Today was the funeral for the old lady who, in my memories, smiled all the time.
Every time we visited her, she was energetic, lively, laughing at everything. It never occurred to me she would leave us so soon. She seemed so healthy, vigilant in living her life.
But when I saw her lifeless body, I knew she was gone. Her skin was waxy, totally without the flush of flowing blood. Her eyes were closed, as if in a deep slumber, and as it was, this slumber will last...forever.
There was endless streams of chants, rituals, bowing and kneeling. Everyone was here today. Some people talked quietly in a corner, some teared, a particularly annoying Encik made stupid jokes about this funeral. I could tell, from their expressions, a few people would dearly like to punch him in his face.
It was really, really, really hot. It shouldn't matter, but it's so hot it hurts. I could feel beads of perspiration follow the contours of my face down my cheeks, gliding down my back. The baked ground emanated so much heat I could feel the warmth against my shoes. I didn't complain. It didn't seem right to make a fuss. Right now, that dear old lady could never ever feel anything again.
More chanting, more kneeling. Flowers were handed around to be thrown into her grave. Paper money for the dead were piled in a corner, waiting to be burnt. I could hear people sobbing, I could also hear kids laughing and running around. They didn't know her well enough to feel sad yet, they didn't understand she's not coming back.
Back then, someone-- her cousin or sister, don't know which-- cried hysterically beside her coffin. I heard later from my dad that the two old women hadn't been on speaking terms, they were forever quarreling for something or another. I wondered if she regretted it. Judging by her tearful face, I'd say she did.
During the Chinese New Year next year, there will be one less person we're visiting.
She lived a long full life, have tens and tens of children and grandchildren, and she laughed all the way. Sad that I was, I couldn't bring myself to feel grief for her departure to a new dimension. Perhaps there is an afterlife, and there, she would continue smiling her vibrant, sunny smile.
致姑婆，陈亚水。
Every time we visited her, she was energetic, lively, laughing at everything. It never occurred to me she would leave us so soon. She seemed so healthy, vigilant in living her life.
But when I saw her lifeless body, I knew she was gone. Her skin was waxy, totally without the flush of flowing blood. Her eyes were closed, as if in a deep slumber, and as it was, this slumber will last...forever.
There was endless streams of chants, rituals, bowing and kneeling. Everyone was here today. Some people talked quietly in a corner, some teared, a particularly annoying Encik made stupid jokes about this funeral. I could tell, from their expressions, a few people would dearly like to punch him in his face.
It was really, really, really hot. It shouldn't matter, but it's so hot it hurts. I could feel beads of perspiration follow the contours of my face down my cheeks, gliding down my back. The baked ground emanated so much heat I could feel the warmth against my shoes. I didn't complain. It didn't seem right to make a fuss. Right now, that dear old lady could never ever feel anything again.
More chanting, more kneeling. Flowers were handed around to be thrown into her grave. Paper money for the dead were piled in a corner, waiting to be burnt. I could hear people sobbing, I could also hear kids laughing and running around. They didn't know her well enough to feel sad yet, they didn't understand she's not coming back.
Back then, someone-- her cousin or sister, don't know which-- cried hysterically beside her coffin. I heard later from my dad that the two old women hadn't been on speaking terms, they were forever quarreling for something or another. I wondered if she regretted it. Judging by her tearful face, I'd say she did.
During the Chinese New Year next year, there will be one less person we're visiting.
She lived a long full life, have tens and tens of children and grandchildren, and she laughed all the way. Sad that I was, I couldn't bring myself to feel grief for her departure to a new dimension. Perhaps there is an afterlife, and there, she would continue smiling her vibrant, sunny smile.
致姑婆，陈亚水。
Friday, June 17, 2011
Keep me out of this
I know it isn't true, but it still hurts.
Please please pretty please, keep me out of this, won't you? Cause those jokes aren't funny, they're like blades to me, those words, the sharp kind that slices my insides to ribbons.
This is what I would have told you, but then I promised to steer clear of your way, and I want to keep my word.
Besides, this joke have nothing to do with me. I'm not the main character, I'm just the audience whose reactions are observed. Entertaining, I would say.
I wish they would stop. Rather, I wish these jokes would stop bothering me.
Really, there 's no point.
Please please pretty please, keep me out of this, won't you? Cause those jokes aren't funny, they're like blades to me, those words, the sharp kind that slices my insides to ribbons.
This is what I would have told you, but then I promised to steer clear of your way, and I want to keep my word.
Besides, this joke have nothing to do with me. I'm not the main character, I'm just the audience whose reactions are observed. Entertaining, I would say.
I wish they would stop. Rather, I wish these jokes would stop bothering me.
Really, there 's no point.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Tired
I'm so tired. I'm so tired of everything.
I'm tired of endless responsibilities, endless homework, endless exams, endless housework, endless duties. There are so many things I have to do, but there are only so many things I can achieve.
Sometimes I wish I could just get up, and leave.
But where would I go? No matter where I go I will have to learn to feed myself, I will became one of the billions that works tirelessly from morning til night, just to earn enough to live.
I'm tired of pretending, pretending I care or pretending I don't, being courteous even though the person in front of me is too childish and naive to be true. This is what people call growing, treating people you don't like with absolute politeness, but all this pretending is wearing me down.
Gosh, I'm so tired.
What wouldn't I do to stop all this right now.
I'm tired of endless responsibilities, endless homework, endless exams, endless housework, endless duties. There are so many things I have to do, but there are only so many things I can achieve.
Sometimes I wish I could just get up, and leave.
But where would I go? No matter where I go I will have to learn to feed myself, I will became one of the billions that works tirelessly from morning til night, just to earn enough to live.
I'm tired of pretending, pretending I care or pretending I don't, being courteous even though the person in front of me is too childish and naive to be true. This is what people call growing, treating people you don't like with absolute politeness, but all this pretending is wearing me down.
Gosh, I'm so tired.
What wouldn't I do to stop all this right now.
Monday, June 13, 2011
Do you care?
I wonder about that a lot. Really. You can't miss a person you hardly remember anymore. But you can't forget a person you loved so much once a long long time ago.
I don't even know know what kind of person you are now, who do you like, what do you do, where do you go. I know nothing about your life after me. You cannot feel for a person you know almost nothing about. What I feel, or felt, is limited to the past only.
So when I think about you, this is the once question I've asked countless times. Do you care? Do I care if you care or not?
遗忘
时间迅速前进着
抹杀一切曾经在意和不在意的
如果说爱都是虚幻的
只有痛是真实的
那时间就像水一样
把刺痛的伤痕抚平
把淌血的记忆模糊
渐渐的
连痛
都变得模糊了。
我几乎想不起来，曾经锥心的痛，是什么感觉了。
抹杀一切曾经在意和不在意的
如果说爱都是虚幻的
只有痛是真实的
那时间就像水一样
把刺痛的伤痕抚平
把淌血的记忆模糊
渐渐的
连痛
都变得模糊了。
我几乎想不起来，曾经锥心的痛，是什么感觉了。
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Matter
The River of Time flows rapidly
washing everything,
eventually everything that once was important ceased to matter
Sometimes its more of habit than anything else
that keeps you rooted to the spot
looking in the same direction
In everyone's life
there will always be people
who matters, who mattered but not anymore
who didn't matter before but will be in the future
who always did and who always will
But people who matters the most
isn't always the crowd your life rotates around
that person who always will matter
usually is a person who never will be yours
Who can tell who does matter to me and who don't?
Can't ask my brain, its not designed to answer emotional equations
Can't ask God, cause I believe God let us make our own decisions
Can't ask my heart, see, its missing.
Happiness matters, family matters,
most importantly
I matter
no matter what others do
no matter what others think
no matter what others feel
I matter to myself
I matter to myself, even if I don't matter to you.
I matter to myself, and that's more than enough for me.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
About Gays & Les'
short, short post to vent off my frustration.
I don't get. I don't fucking get it.
What's wrong with GAYS OR LESBIANS?
I never really thought about it,
but ever since I knew this existed I never condemned them
after all, its the same right?
its love, and love SHOULD NOT be separated into categories-- acceptable and unacceptable.
And damn it la, if people gay or lesbian,
as long as they're not interested in you
its none of your freaking business right?
if this is what makes them happy, who are you to stop them?
God? well bloody hell, if God is as great as we all say
then He surely will understand these people.
He would not be the limited, narrow minded set of rules
those idiots strive to make the world accept
how would you feel if you were homosexual
and your friends and family look down on you？
if you couldn't get the person you love
and still have to face the way people look at you
like you're abnormal, like you're unacceptable?
if you tell me you don't mind
sure la, go ahead! be stupid!
BUT, you don't mind doesn't mean others don't mind
they who dared to voice out the truth
are worth our respect beyond any other
would you have the courage to tell even if you know what you say will condemn you?
if you don't have, coward, don't look down on people who do!
there's this kind of people who cannot accept anything that is different
only people who think like they do are people
only things did their way are acceptable
or else?
So sorry, you are a weirdo, you are abnormal, you are unacceptable, you better get lost.
hell, this is the 21st century, stop thinking like a mid-century priest!
if you really are so loyal to your Bible, why didn't you complain when your mother used painkillers when she gave birth to you? Women those days aren't allowed to give painkillers while giving birth because the priests say that this is retaliation for Eve, who ate the apple in Garden Eden.
You say the Japanese is cruel, do you know how many innocent people are killed during the Purge? Burned at stake for studying Science? They killed a scientist just because he told them Earth rotated around the Sun! You're gonna be like that？ The only thing that guy did that was wrong, was being right! Can you accept this? Of all those great things religions teach, you have to stick to these kind of cruel, narrow minded stuff.
Guess it was't so short after all. What the hell==
I don't get. I don't fucking get it.
What's wrong with GAYS OR LESBIANS?
I never really thought about it,
but ever since I knew this existed I never condemned them
after all, its the same right?
its love, and love SHOULD NOT be separated into categories-- acceptable and unacceptable.
And damn it la, if people gay or lesbian,
as long as they're not interested in you
its none of your freaking business right?
if this is what makes them happy, who are you to stop them?
God? well bloody hell, if God is as great as we all say
then He surely will understand these people.
He would not be the limited, narrow minded set of rules
those idiots strive to make the world accept
how would you feel if you were homosexual
and your friends and family look down on you？
if you couldn't get the person you love
and still have to face the way people look at you
like you're abnormal, like you're unacceptable?
if you tell me you don't mind
sure la, go ahead! be stupid!
BUT, you don't mind doesn't mean others don't mind
they who dared to voice out the truth
are worth our respect beyond any other
would you have the courage to tell even if you know what you say will condemn you?
if you don't have, coward, don't look down on people who do!
there's this kind of people who cannot accept anything that is different
only people who think like they do are people
only things did their way are acceptable
or else?
So sorry, you are a weirdo, you are abnormal, you are unacceptable, you better get lost.
hell, this is the 21st century, stop thinking like a mid-century priest!
if you really are so loyal to your Bible, why didn't you complain when your mother used painkillers when she gave birth to you? Women those days aren't allowed to give painkillers while giving birth because the priests say that this is retaliation for Eve, who ate the apple in Garden Eden.
You say the Japanese is cruel, do you know how many innocent people are killed during the Purge? Burned at stake for studying Science? They killed a scientist just because he told them Earth rotated around the Sun! You're gonna be like that？ The only thing that guy did that was wrong, was being right! Can you accept this? Of all those great things religions teach, you have to stick to these kind of cruel, narrow minded stuff.
Guess it was't so short after all. What the hell==
Anchor
To speak the truth
after all these times I've realized
there isn't anything you could give that I don't already have
All those bullshit about everything being okay when you're around
deep down I've always known what they are
--- one big pile of bullshit.
Memories blurred as time races by
and you faded into a misty dream
You became that one thread linking me to the
paradise where I get to dream with my eyes open
and reminiscent with my eyes closed.
I know even you cannot achieve such a thing
yet you became my anchor
in the storms of pressure, unhappiness, anger, fear.
Every time I'm on the verge of collapsing
you are my model who would always go on
Every time I fall down
you are the strength I need to stand back up
Every time I'm forced to the brink of madness
you calm my emotions with that laugh
blurred because I hardly remember it anymore.
How do you love something you are gradually forgetting?
Answer is you don't.
What you love, what you miss is far more than that one person
what you miss is those feelings you had when he was around
being cherished, being held up, being loved
When he's gone you're forced to
grow up, become mature, become independent, become strong
All those weaknesses are gone
and you're a much better human being
Good, ain't it?
Doesn't change the fact you wish time could unwind.
I guess somehow I still love you
in a past tense, hopeless kind of way
I love you 'cause you're my anchor
and I'll always love you
until I learn to sail without resting
no matter facing storms, typhoons or hurricanes.
after all these times I've realized
there isn't anything you could give that I don't already have
All those bullshit about everything being okay when you're around
deep down I've always known what they are
--- one big pile of bullshit.
Memories blurred as time races by
and you faded into a misty dream
You became that one thread linking me to the
paradise where I get to dream with my eyes open
and reminiscent with my eyes closed.
I know even you cannot achieve such a thing
yet you became my anchor
in the storms of pressure, unhappiness, anger, fear.
Every time I'm on the verge of collapsing
you are my model who would always go on
Every time I fall down
you are the strength I need to stand back up
Every time I'm forced to the brink of madness
you calm my emotions with that laugh
blurred because I hardly remember it anymore.
How do you love something you are gradually forgetting?
Answer is you don't.
What you love, what you miss is far more than that one person
what you miss is those feelings you had when he was around
being cherished, being held up, being loved
When he's gone you're forced to
grow up, become mature, become independent, become strong
All those weaknesses are gone
and you're a much better human being
Good, ain't it?
Doesn't change the fact you wish time could unwind.
I guess somehow I still love you
in a past tense, hopeless kind of way
I love you 'cause you're my anchor
and I'll always love you
until I learn to sail without resting
no matter facing storms, typhoons or hurricanes.
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Love & Like
Love and like
it's never the same
love is lots and lots of likes put together
and like is a teeny weeny bit of love
If like is a small portion of love
then puppy love is the pale version of adult love
puppy love does not promise
it does not require commitment
For months I tried persuading myself
my love is not love and mere puppy love
so I could know the pain wouldn't last
so I could hypnotize myself into believing
what we shared between us was childish
and never meant to last
But then deep down I knew I was lying
I still remember that pale, haunted look on my face
remember that helplessness, as if I lost direction in life
I know how my crying nights haunt my sister
I know how much my mom worried over me
only love can hurt this way
and remembering my selfishness
I'd hurt my family by allowing myself to get hurt
But then time came and went
and gradually everything's okay
I wonder if those tears that refused to come
are evidence I am healing
but if it is
why do I still feel suffocated inside?
What if I could never stop loving?
what if everything that went on between us
was never meant to be just puppy love?
what if...what if it's really love?
it's never the same
love is lots and lots of likes put together
and like is a teeny weeny bit of love
If like is a small portion of love
then puppy love is the pale version of adult love
puppy love does not promise
it does not require commitment
For months I tried persuading myself
my love is not love and mere puppy love
so I could know the pain wouldn't last
so I could hypnotize myself into believing
what we shared between us was childish
and never meant to last
But then deep down I knew I was lying
I still remember that pale, haunted look on my face
remember that helplessness, as if I lost direction in life
I know how my crying nights haunt my sister
I know how much my mom worried over me
only love can hurt this way
and remembering my selfishness
I'd hurt my family by allowing myself to get hurt
But then time came and went
and gradually everything's okay
I wonder if those tears that refused to come
are evidence I am healing
but if it is
why do I still feel suffocated inside?
What if I could never stop loving?
what if everything that went on between us
was never meant to be just puppy love?
what if...what if it's really love?
Friday, May 27, 2011
Different
I'm different, not the person I once was anymore, and this can't be helped.
To survive, I've got to move on. And to move on, there are things I have to leave behind.
Important things, essential things maybe, but forced to be left behind.
Without them, I'm not myself anymore, I might be the same, but somewhere inside I'm no longer the same.
No matter how much I laugh the sadness etched into my face will not fade, no matter how much I smile deep down I am still afraid.
What makes you, or anyone else for the fucking matter, think I could, would stay the same?
If change is what's gonna save me from drowning inside the pain of losing you, then so be it. I would change and change and continue to change, because be assured, I WILL SURVIVE.
Even if a part of me died, the rest lives. And while I live, living is what matters most.
To survive, I've got to move on. And to move on, there are things I have to leave behind.
Important things, essential things maybe, but forced to be left behind.
Without them, I'm not myself anymore, I might be the same, but somewhere inside I'm no longer the same.
No matter how much I laugh the sadness etched into my face will not fade, no matter how much I smile deep down I am still afraid.
What makes you, or anyone else for the fucking matter, think I could, would stay the same?
If change is what's gonna save me from drowning inside the pain of losing you, then so be it. I would change and change and continue to change, because be assured, I WILL SURVIVE.
Even if a part of me died, the rest lives. And while I live, living is what matters most.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Don't Tell Me
Hey,
If you found someone to love one day
Do me a favor---
Don't tell me.
You can love her even more than you ever loved me
You can want to be by her side 25 hours everyday
You can hate every inch that separates you
But please, please
don't tell me.
You might want to give her everything you are able to give
You might be willing to sacrifice anything for her
You might try to capture stars for her
It's all fine by me
But, please please
don't let me know.
Cause even when I know they're nothing but rumors,
They hurt, they really do.
If you found someone to love one day
Do me a favor---
Don't tell me.
You can love her even more than you ever loved me
You can want to be by her side 25 hours everyday
You can hate every inch that separates you
But please, please
don't tell me.
You might want to give her everything you are able to give
You might be willing to sacrifice anything for her
You might try to capture stars for her
It's all fine by me
But, please please
don't let me know.
Cause even when I know they're nothing but rumors,
They hurt, they really do.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
有人给我一句话。
“就算你们复合了，你能够给他幸福吗？”
就是这句话，让我的爱止步了。
一直以来，我都自私的坚持
你是我幸福的理由
你的存在就是我幸福最好最好的理由
可是却没有想过
我
可以给你幸福吗？
你要的，我真的给得了吗？
我真的知道你希望得到的是什么吗？
心中那一点点希望也崩塌了
我为我的自私感到羞愧
我甚至不确定你还爱我！
我没有哭
我好久没为你哭了
那种冲动已经让让时间磨尽
残余的潮湿也只停留在眼眶
冰冷地燃烧
对不起对不起
没能够把幸福给你
所以才会看破
所以才会放弃
不是不爱了
而是明白没有资格爱了
如果爱是你的负担，
那我对你最后的爱
就是消除它。
你知道吗
就是本着这个结论
我尝试让彼此回到远点
停留在最单纯的友谊
当你对待我和对待每个人一样的时候
我能够告诉自己
我不再特别
于是我停止了
对你近乎痴傻的感情
一点一点
抽离
一点一滴
忘记
你很好
我永远都会这样觉得
能够陪你一生的女子是幸运的
因为她的幸福是你给的
爱你很值得
只是……该停了。
再见，
寂寞小子，浪子，傻瓜。
Friday, May 20, 2011
Busy
I'm so busy, I don't have time to think about you.
I lead a real full life, where every hour is packed, and every minute is used up. From school to tuition to RC, and my books and movies and family, you are hardly able to haunt me because, I don't even have the time to miss you.
I seriously don't know what you are thinking about, but for me, I think I've waited long enough.
Almost everything in this blog is about you, and it probably will always be so. I don't know if you are reading this, if you ever come and see what I am writing, or if you feel anything for my feelings. But in a way, I don't care. My life isn't just about you anymore.
Nobody stars in my life, except myself. Not even YOU.
I lead a real full life, where every hour is packed, and every minute is used up. From school to tuition to RC, and my books and movies and family, you are hardly able to haunt me because, I don't even have the time to miss you.
I seriously don't know what you are thinking about, but for me, I think I've waited long enough.
Almost everything in this blog is about you, and it probably will always be so. I don't know if you are reading this, if you ever come and see what I am writing, or if you feel anything for my feelings. But in a way, I don't care. My life isn't just about you anymore.
Nobody stars in my life, except myself. Not even YOU.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
囧之绕口令 囧！！
囧中自有囧中囧，囧囧中有囧终中
囧适囧囧囧囧囧，囧囧囧又囧囧囧
囧是商囧又或冏，囧中亦有囧中终
囧亦囧囧，不囧非不囧，窘又不是囧
囧囧有囧，冏又看似囧，那麼多个囧
冏如加横又是囧，囧也看似冏
囧，囧囧，囧中囧，囧中囧又囧，
囧中自有囧中囧，囧囧中有囧中囧又囧
囧囧囧非囧囧中有囧是囧囧又囧囧囧中有囧又看似囧
囧囧中有囧囧囧，囧囧非囧中自有囧中囧
囧又囧，冏也不是囧，冏中冏又非囧中囧
囧中囧有囧也有冏，囧囧囧中没有冏冏自有冏中冏
囧中囧非冏中冏，也并非窘中窘
心中有囧则懂囧，念完才会囧
囧适囧囧囧囧囧，囧囧囧又囧囧囧
囧是商囧又或冏，囧中亦有囧中终
囧亦囧囧，不囧非不囧，窘又不是囧
囧囧有囧，冏又看似囧，那麼多个囧
冏如加横又是囧，囧也看似冏
囧，囧囧，囧中囧，囧中囧又囧，
囧中自有囧中囧，囧囧中有囧中囧又囧
囧囧囧非囧囧中有囧是囧囧又囧囧囧中有囧又看似囧
囧囧中有囧囧囧，囧囧非囧中自有囧中囧
囧又囧，冏也不是囧，冏中冏又非囧中囧
囧中囧有囧也有冏，囧囧囧中没有冏冏自有冏中冏
囧中囧非冏中冏，也并非窘中窘
心中有囧则懂囧，念完才会囧
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
I just don't get BOYS
You pretend I don't exist, nevermind, many people are willing to acknowledge my existence, even with just a smile.
You ignore me, nevermind, you're not the first, and certainly not the last.
You talk to anyone around me except me, nevermind, there are many boys who would gladly strike up a conversation with me.
I don't know if you love me, or if you hate me.
I don't know what you are thinking, I don't know what the fcuk is going on inside your brain, whether its malfunctioning, or if the only thing wrong here is my heart.
I mean, its not even whole to start with, but you with your damn behavior still makes it ache and bring tears to my eyes. After I had swore to myself to NEVER, EVER cry for you again.
So okay, if you prefer us to behave like enemies, just tell me.
I'm not gonna stick to you like a LEECH.
I have my pride, and after all that you've done to my heart, I would appreciate it if you could spare it. It being my pride, I mean, there's nothing more you can do to my heart.
Cheers.
You ignore me, nevermind, you're not the first, and certainly not the last.
You talk to anyone around me except me, nevermind, there are many boys who would gladly strike up a conversation with me.
I don't know if you love me, or if you hate me.
I don't know what you are thinking, I don't know what the fcuk is going on inside your brain, whether its malfunctioning, or if the only thing wrong here is my heart.
I mean, its not even whole to start with, but you with your damn behavior still makes it ache and bring tears to my eyes. After I had swore to myself to NEVER, EVER cry for you again.
So okay, if you prefer us to behave like enemies, just tell me.
I'm not gonna stick to you like a LEECH.
I have my pride, and after all that you've done to my heart, I would appreciate it if you could spare it. It being my pride, I mean, there's nothing more you can do to my heart.
Cheers.
Monday, May 16, 2011
Float
If memories are water, then I am floating on it.
So many things that I do, say, and hear reminds me of you.
So many perfect moments of my life are moments with you.
Yet, as time passes, everything is gradually left behind.
The human mind is like a sieve, eventually old stuff are forgotten.
Even computers know how to delete data unused for a certain period of time.
It is like a Purge, our mind can only hold so many things, therefore it will eliminate the unhappy, unwanted, unimportant memories. It is a kind of self protection, this function, that enables to believe that one day everything will fade away.
You feel it happening, ever so slowly, but permanently. Nothing lasts forever, after all.
Not the weather, not the promises, not the people, not the memories, not us.
So people who are hurt by love out there, hang on, 'cause nothing lasts, not even pain.
=)
So many things that I do, say, and hear reminds me of you.
So many perfect moments of my life are moments with you.
Yet, as time passes, everything is gradually left behind.
The human mind is like a sieve, eventually old stuff are forgotten.
Even computers know how to delete data unused for a certain period of time.
It is like a Purge, our mind can only hold so many things, therefore it will eliminate the unhappy, unwanted, unimportant memories. It is a kind of self protection, this function, that enables to believe that one day everything will fade away.
You feel it happening, ever so slowly, but permanently. Nothing lasts forever, after all.
Not the weather, not the promises, not the people, not the memories, not us.
So people who are hurt by love out there, hang on, 'cause nothing lasts, not even pain.
=)
Thursday, May 12, 2011
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Starry skies
A few days ago there was a major blackout in my neighborhood.
The house was totally dark, and I couldn't see a thing. So I went outside and sat on XXX( that big rectangular white thing with a fan like thing that comes with air conditioners...wtf is that ==) and watched the night sky.
It was really really really hot. My whole body was bathed with perspiration within minutes. But as I stared at the purple black sky, I stopped moping over how hot it is and sank into remembrance.
Somewhere across the Sarawak river, where the blackout did not hit, dots of light lit up the night.I could see Crown and Hock Lee real clear. This was not the first time I sat there, out on the XXX in my porch. About 2 years ago, before I had my own room, I had sat in this very place while talking on phone with that boy I admired but never had the guts to tell.
I had laughed there, cried there, felt happy, felt sad, felt loss. I would lean on metallic silver fencing while talking animatedly, allow my legs to touch the cement walls while staring wondrously at the night sky.
The stars have always been beautiful. Little blinking specks in the dark canvas of the night sky. Their light dancing in a cheery rhythm, watching over me.
Occasionally a car or two would pass by, and the rumble of motorbikes would break the silence of night. Once, I had laughter that fit in with the night, and although I had lost it, I never got.
That night, I had wondered if you were looking at the same sky, and thinking about me.
But when the power returned, I stopped thinking, and left the loss for the endless night to bear.
The house was totally dark, and I couldn't see a thing. So I went outside and sat on XXX( that big rectangular white thing with a fan like thing that comes with air conditioners...wtf is that ==) and watched the night sky.
It was really really really hot. My whole body was bathed with perspiration within minutes. But as I stared at the purple black sky, I stopped moping over how hot it is and sank into remembrance.
Somewhere across the Sarawak river, where the blackout did not hit, dots of light lit up the night.I could see Crown and Hock Lee real clear. This was not the first time I sat there, out on the XXX in my porch. About 2 years ago, before I had my own room, I had sat in this very place while talking on phone with that boy I admired but never had the guts to tell.
I had laughed there, cried there, felt happy, felt sad, felt loss. I would lean on metallic silver fencing while talking animatedly, allow my legs to touch the cement walls while staring wondrously at the night sky.
The stars have always been beautiful. Little blinking specks in the dark canvas of the night sky. Their light dancing in a cheery rhythm, watching over me.
Occasionally a car or two would pass by, and the rumble of motorbikes would break the silence of night. Once, I had laughter that fit in with the night, and although I had lost it, I never got.
That night, I had wondered if you were looking at the same sky, and thinking about me.
But when the power returned, I stopped thinking, and left the loss for the endless night to bear.
Friday, May 6, 2011
New Moon
In Stephenie Meyer's "New Moon", this was how Edward described his life to Bella after he left her.
"Before you, Bella, my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars-- points of light and reason...And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn't see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything."
When you left, this was what I felt.
When I lost you, I lost direction. Like Bella, family was the only thing holding me to sanity. It was like my life just blacked out, and I was left without a torch. I groped to find something to hold, and found nothing. I blundered around, trying to find light, and there was none. Those little twinkling lights from stars, how could they compare to your burning beauty?
I was alive, but barely. I walked on, searching, finding, denying the need to curl into a ball and cry. I fought away the pain, the sorrow, but there were always points when I would stop short and realize, there was nothing to find, there had never been more than this dreary, bleak existence I had succumbed into. There was no out. And that was when everything crashed in.
But my eyes are adjusting. I can see the stars now, I can find my way out. I know where to go, and what will be waiting. My eyesight are getting clearer, the stars are getting brighter. They would never be as bright as that meteor that shot across my sky, but they would hold me on to earth. They could provide me some measure of happiness, of contentment.
The loss will always leave a mark on me, but perhaps one day, someone would come along, and cover the scars gently with his hands.
Maybe someday, I would find a sun. Always there, never leaving, shining for me, and leading me on.
"Before you, Bella, my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars-- points of light and reason...And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn't see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything."
When you left, this was what I felt.
When I lost you, I lost direction. Like Bella, family was the only thing holding me to sanity. It was like my life just blacked out, and I was left without a torch. I groped to find something to hold, and found nothing. I blundered around, trying to find light, and there was none. Those little twinkling lights from stars, how could they compare to your burning beauty?
I was alive, but barely. I walked on, searching, finding, denying the need to curl into a ball and cry. I fought away the pain, the sorrow, but there were always points when I would stop short and realize, there was nothing to find, there had never been more than this dreary, bleak existence I had succumbed into. There was no out. And that was when everything crashed in.
But my eyes are adjusting. I can see the stars now, I can find my way out. I know where to go, and what will be waiting. My eyesight are getting clearer, the stars are getting brighter. They would never be as bright as that meteor that shot across my sky, but they would hold me on to earth. They could provide me some measure of happiness, of contentment.
The loss will always leave a mark on me, but perhaps one day, someone would come along, and cover the scars gently with his hands.
Maybe someday, I would find a sun. Always there, never leaving, shining for me, and leading me on.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Smile
I'm smiling.
As much as I can, as much as I want.
This smile used to belong to you,
you who used to be the reason of its existence.
But now this smile belongs to me
because maybe its existence no longer matters to you.
I'm smile, so I guess I'm relatively happy.
Sure, there's those moments that memories crash in like a tsunami
and drown me in everything that once was my life
But so what?
I'm strong. I'll get used to it.
Damn. I AM getting used to it.
Tears stopped visiting,
because I would let them burn in my eyes until they stop trying to get out.
I'm smiling.
With you, without you
what's the difference?
Okay everything is different
but life goes on,
mine do, yours do
with or without each other.
So I'm smiling
in front of you, on your back, always smiling
laughing, shouting, joking
because these loud noises
they drown out the promises ringing in my head
they drown out everything you've ever said.
Friday, April 29, 2011
I want to...
I want to love someone
with everything I have
to feel joy for his joy and sorrow for his sorrow
I want to have someone
who I can belong to
to always know there's someone waiting
for me to come home
I want someone to love me
to always think of me
to share my happiness and my troubles
to soothe my fears and my loneliness
I want that person
to never have to leave
to be in my life as long as I am alive
I want to miss somebody
while knowing he's coming back
I want to wait for somebody
while knowing he won't be gone for long
I want to love
but you're not here
So what can I do?
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Falling
Falling had been easy, natural.
Climbing back would be the tough thing.
Climbing back to the life before you, to let life go on as if you never interrupted, that's what's tough.
All those things I've forgotten to forget, they are the ones pulling me back, dragging back into the pitch black valley where my sun had left.
My hands are covered with blood as I try to climb, to heave myself up. My eyes are covered by a layer of ice after the cold reality froze my tears.
Stark reality. Too painful to grasp, but time made it possible.
I am getting stronger.
Maybe I should have worked this out much much earlier, but I was blinded. My eyes couldn't adjust to the dark and only now do I see.
But it doesn't matter. It's all over.
It had been a deep fall, so there would be a long journey ahead to get back up.
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