Anchor

To speak the truth
after all these times I've realized
there isn't anything you could give that I don't already have
All those bullshit about everything being okay when you're around
deep down I've always known what they are
--- one big pile of bullshit.

Memories blurred as time races by
and you faded into a misty dream
You became that one thread linking me to the
paradise where I get to dream with my eyes open
and reminiscent with my eyes closed.
I know even you cannot achieve such a thing
yet you became my anchor
in the storms of pressure, unhappiness, anger, fear.

Every time I'm on the verge of collapsing
you are my model who would always go on
Every time I fall down
you are the strength I need to stand back up
Every time I'm forced to the brink of madness
you calm my emotions with that laugh
blurred because I hardly remember it anymore.

How do you love something you are gradually forgetting?
Answer is you don't.
What you love, what you miss is far more than that one person
what you miss is those feelings you had when he was around
being cherished, being held up, being loved
When he's gone you're forced to
grow up, become mature, become independent, become strong
All those weaknesses are gone
and you're a much better human being
Good, ain't it?
Doesn't change the fact you wish time could unwind.

I guess somehow I still love you
in a past tense, hopeless kind of way
I love you 'cause you're my anchor
and I'll always love you
until I learn to sail without resting
no matter facing storms, typhoons or hurricanes.